At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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