I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
