that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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