It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
