Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
