Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am naked and annoyed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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