Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
