I didn't shave. On purpose
My liver just broke up with me...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
