PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
