I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
