she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
