I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
