I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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