he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
