You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
worst night to have a conscience
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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