There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
