O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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