We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
