I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
