i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
