You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
