My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
