By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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