My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
