if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
