So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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