i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
