Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
