I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
