i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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