He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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