she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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