Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
