The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
