I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
