I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
