why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let's paint friendship bongs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
