Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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