in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
