just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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