so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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