What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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