I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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