I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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