CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
