My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
