You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
