dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
