Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
