If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
someone owes me an orgasm
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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