so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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