Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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