I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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