So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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