actually, I'm a sock model
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
